Show of hands “How many ladies have been that amazing, ride or die UNOFFICIAL girlfriend only to never make it to Mrs. Offical? (waits for congregational MMPPPH) Lets jump right on into these murky waters shall we?
You meet a man, you go on dates, he’s sending you those super cute text messages “Hey sexy just thinking about you” or how about this one “Damn I miss you” and you stare at the message for a whole 5 mins feeling all tingly inside. You have sleep overs, you cook your best dish for him which you deem is your specialty as a chef. You’re supportive when he’s having a terrible day, offering him words of encouragement and optimism. You become intimate, offering him your precious noni, your A++ oral sex (because after all you know you will be together) and the chemistry in UNDENIABLE. As time progresses the more you are becoming comfortable in his life and the more you are incorporating him in your life.
THEN IT HAPPENS…. ” I mean we not together” gut punched that ass right out of fairytale land….
For whatever reason, an argument, a misunderstanding of plans, and expectations not met….he feels the need to remind you that sis you are a single woman, you have not held the ceremony in which he has you kneel before him as his touches his sword on both shoulders saying ” I OFFICALLY DEEM YOU GIRLFRIEND OF LORD TYRONE” I mean because everyone knows there’s a ceremony that takes place in a mans head that makes any and all things official right?
You’re pissed…..I mean and rightfully so right? You’ve put your best wifey foot forward, you’ve shown him that you are not only a woman that can support his emotional and mental needs, you’ve shown him your Le Cordon Bleu culinary skills, your Janet Jacme sex game and you’re a praying woman that prayed for HIS ass on the regular.
I pose this question; ARE WE GIVING TOO MUCH TOO SOON? Are we showing our entire hand without even surveying the other poker players? Are you oblivious to the signs because you are swimming alone in your oasis of bullshit?
Lets face it, majority of times a grown woman who is in a good place in life, ready to let someone in will let the man lead the direction of the relationship as well as the speed UNLESS its just something in particular shes not ready for but if shes feeling him what isn’t she ready for? lol Is he to blame for this unforeseen destination in what-the-fuckville or have you inadvertently switched seats into the drivers side flooring it to 150 mph with no seat belt screaming YOLO…
For reason like this is why the “30,60,90 day rules” became implemented from woman everywhere wanting to avoid the “Bish you not my girlfriend ” text. This is how walls become higher, guards become stronger and skepticism implants itself.
So how do you know how much to give and when to give it? Do you need to become official for the added security of “yes we are on the same page”? Many times men do not realize what they have until what? “ITS GONE”
Men tend to think at a slower pace when it comes to relationships so what we women see now they see in 3 months, ask any man, these are FACTS. Unfortunately what normally happens is by the time the man realizes his mistake, that wonderwoman has already moved on with a light just a tad dimmer than before you, a wall just a smidge higher and a triple reinforced guard.
These questions I pose aren’t easily answered with a simple straight to the point answer, it is multifaceted with many dimensions. The best answer I can give you is (drum roll) ” IT REALLY DEPENDS ON WHERE THAT MAN IS IN HIS LIFE” If he is not ready for a full on relationship then sis no matter how great of a cook you are, how sloppy the toppy is or how funny you are…..he will not commit. Period. They say when a man is ready to give a woman his all its a magical thing. Not only is he open to giving love but he’s open to receiving love, this creates vulnerability in anyone open and ready and quite frankly no one likes the discomfort of being completely vulnerable. One of the most important things in ANY relationship is COMMUNICATION… speak with a soft tongue never with egos. Hear to listen not to only respond. Work on therapeutic communication in your relationship in order to cultivate a positive space for communication where honesty and truth is safe. Lets be completely honest, no one likes to tell the truth when it could hurt so we tell little lies and bend the truth to seek the comfort of another. That’s great and all but now we are misrepresenting something: an emotion, a thought… something isn’t being portrayed as we truly feel. Be truthful with one another, If you’re ready for something serious say it, if you aren’t : say that as well. We cannot be afraid to communicate or afraid to show an emotion first……Fear cannot live amongst love……..
..And just know if this doesn’t work out with Mr. McDreamy…. there’s another Mr. McHottie coming soon who will appreciate everything you have to offer and more. Never lose your faith in Love!