If Communication really is key….

Then why is it one of the powerful, the most soothing, the most fulfilling YET the most hardest means of interaction with another human being? Communication is defined as ” The sharing of ideas and feelings . We communicate daily in so many ways including verbal and non-verbal but how EFFECTIVELY we communicate is the true question at hand on being a great communicator.

Yes i know it sounds simple, even a 2 year old can communicate but you would be surprised at how difficult it truly is in order to have an exchange of communication that is 1. Effective and 2. positive. So many times we speak only to talk and we listen only to respond, we tend to be completely disconnected from the actual interaction that just happened, leaving us confused, unfulfilled and even worst upset. WHAT IS YOUR STYLE OF COMMUNICATION? Do you yell to get your point across? Do you make sarcastic  comments to illicit some type of response? Do you respond passive aggressively in order to 100% thoroughly confuse your partner in what you’re truly feeling? Or are you the type of communicator that speaks to be understood, listens to understand, is conscious of your nonverbal indicators as well as your verbal tone AND delivery? Yes that sounds like the perfect person to communicate with right? HA! BUT none of us are completely there but this blog will hopefully push us into the direction of positive, effective and therapeutic communication to get the absolute most out of your relationships.

We are going to tackle some of the most negative styles of communication in order to understand why our interactions end poorly and even better; ways to prevent them from turning sour.

  1. Yelling/Fussing- We all know that yelling between anyone means you are no longer effectively communicating. By this time, there are emotions that are leading the conversation, you aren’t feeling heard so you feel that emotions+ elevated voice= oh, you  can hear me now. WRONG, by now the listener will began to completely shut down and only speaking to retaliate and hurt. So before you get to the point to where your emotions begins to lead the conversation, pause, take a deep breath and remember to speak with patience and empathy. Remember you will get more from sugar than you will with salt.
  2.  Non- Verbal Communication is just as important as Verbal Communication- Sometimes we say things WITHOUT even saying one word. Non- verbal communication can sometimes be more effective than verbal communication because remember the saying ” Actions speaks louder than words”. The actions of your face and body can tell a story that you’re completely unaware of. We can verbally  state that we care but by rolling your eyes and tilting your head we contradict that statement. Remember to be mindful not to cancel out your words with your non-verbal actions.
  3. The passive aggressive Communicator- Your partner calls you on the phone and immediately says something on the lines of “Since you think I don’t include you in whats going on” or “Let me tell you what happened so you don’t start fussing” then proceeds to tell you whatever it is they wanted to say not knowing they’ve already created a negative environment. Defenses are already up for the listener before the next words are spoken, you resent that statement because it wasn’t warranted or provoked.  Therefore you’re questioning if this person truly wants to talk about whatever it is or are they just telling you to be able to say they told you. Can you recognize the difference in this? By prefacing your conversation with some type of negative air, you’ve already destroyed an ideal communication environment. People who do this rarely realize what they’ve done and even worst have a difficult time of understanding what they did wrong. Now out of all the poor communication styles, this can be by far the hardest to work through. THINK of how the statements you will say could be perceived by intended listener. You want to be able to convey what you want and be perceived the way you truly intend, so take a moment to think about it if its a serious topic.

Throughout life we become so accustomed to perfect interactions that when we are faced with an less than ideal situation we run or we fight, so when SHOULD we throw in the towel?When do you realize that two people are just not meant to interact due to a history of less than stellar interactions?  To answer this question this depends on the two people involved, their level of respect for one another, the level of regard they have for each other and your true goals/intentions you aspire to have with them. So all in all this depends on your patience and understanding to know that NOTHING will ever be perfect and more so never perfect from the start like many of the fairytale relationship you’ve witnessed.

We must take in account your partner’s past relationships to know what their weaknesses are and how you can help them through it. There is no one way to love someone. I repeat there is not a “One size fits all in loving another person”. What worked with one person may not work for the next. We bring baggage from previous experiences even if we aren’t aware. This will require a patient person to help you work through them, help you carry the baggage until one day you’re ready to put it down. If he/she is used to a previous relationship where they are constantly being yelled at, cursed at or disrespected then how truly shock can we be if they are always on the defense or speaking to retaliate? This brings it back to how much you truly care to learn your partner and what it is they need from you and conveying what it is you need from them. Learn their communication style while teaching them yours, work through the kinks with love and understanding but most importantly with PATIENCE.

CREATE the ideal communication environment…..SPEAK to be understood and LISTEN  to understand.


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