The 5 PONs: Pillars of Need in any Successful Relationship

Have you ever been in a relationship or situationship where you unequivocally felt your needs being unfulfilled? What did you do? Did you stay in hopes that things will change for the dire better or did you leave after the countless attempts of verbalizing your unhappiness? We’ve all been in some form of relationship where in one or more areas of the relationship we felt our needs not being met.


Over the years of dating and being repeatedly disappointed in not having my needs met, I formulated my own list of needs that I myself needed in order to truly feel fulfilled in a true, real, adult, serious relationship. One by the one I added more onto the list as I discovered that in my adulthood the needs and wants in a successful relationship has drastically changed from my early 20’s. Many people in their 20’s do not look at relationships as a potential marriage, we look at what will make us happy NOW. We don’t began to look at those marital qualities until we actually start imagining ourselves being married. What we needed and wanted at 23, we no longer need and want at 33. What we liked and adored at 23, we now despise and hate at 33. Ladies you remember when you liked the guy with the 6 pack that couldn’t hold a meaningful conversation to save his life BUT the thought of his sex made the Coota moist? Fellas remember when you had to have a girl with the phattest ass…..well actually somethings never change BUT NOW along with that phat ass you need to know whats going on up top in that brain of hers; Is she someone you could give your last name to?

So Here it goes, the list that I find that as a foundation of any relationship, Is a amazing start in having your needs truly fulfilled. In no particular order (because the order will vary in importance from person to person)

Definition of a pillar is ” an upright shaft of structure, of stone, brick or other material in any shape in section, used as a building of support or standing alone.” This is a FOUNDATION.
Now look back at all of your previously failed relationshipS, I’m certain in each of those times 1 or more of those 5 needs weren’t being satisfied. Alright before the tears start falling from reminiscing of the failures, lets dive on in so we can better understand the importance of each.

1. Mental
Lets face it, if there’s ever a time in life where we mentally aren’t there with something,it never became successful right ? The mental pillar focuses on the basic connection you form with that person: the chemistry, the vibe, the mental makes your brain begin to work, thinking about the person in question. Through communication and great conversation we begin to like this person, they spark our intellect, you stay on the phone til the wee hours of the night learning about one another. Your likes, your dislikes, your favorite color, their sense of humor, the waves of vibes felt are literally tangible, achieving a mental orgasm is MUCH harder than achieving it in the physical form and we all love a good climax. Look back, how many times have you mentally checked out of a relationship? You gave up, threw in the towel and shortly after that I’m certain the relationship reached its breaking point.

2. Emotional
After the mental connection we begin to establish feelings, sometimes deep feelings for our mate, Through patience, vulnerability, security and consistency from their part we reach deeper levels of our like hopefully to reach Love. We begin to grow accustomed to them, used to having them around, used to their voice, their touch….they become part of your every day life, its comfortable.

3. Physical
Yes of course physical satisfaction is important in every relationship and should never not be taken seriously. It doesn’t need to be said that Sex is an important aspect of the relationship. Its not as simple as fulfilling the carnal pleasure but its a way to establish a deeper way of communication with your partner. It still baffles me when people become intimate with someone and wonder why or how that person starts to express feelings and emotions a.k.a. ” ACTING CRAZY” For God sakes, you are communicating with this person in thee most intimate way created by God and you use that power for evil, shaming that person because of their new found vulnerability? You are able to comfort someone through your touch, express our love with every stroke, SOULS connect when you’re intimate with another being, we subconsciously communicate and exchange energies on a level deeper than we imagine through the power of love making. So lets not underestimate the power behind sex demoting it as a mere “fuck” on a drunken night.

4. Spiritual
Does he/she pray for you? Does he/she pray about you? Do you pray together? Perhaps you attend church or bible study together every week and now you are allowing God to be the leader of the relationship. Now the truth is that many relationships never reach this level of commitment which is unfortunate because if we did incorporate God (or who it is you believe in) in our relationships, we’d have a better chance of a successful relationship and eventually marriage.

5. Financial
We all know how the financial pillar is such a sensitive topic for many people especially the men. If a man isn’t financially in a good place, nothing else really matters, money is on the brain and they could never be completely comfortable in any situation if he doesn’t know when, how or where his money is coming from. Stepping back and letting a man or women work on theirselves financially will give you a better chance of making the relationship work.What about if you like the finer things in life; nice trips, fancy restaurants, out the box type of dates BUT your potential mate cannot afford the same things you can. I hate to say it but in many of these types of situations it truly difficult to work it out because the question is “Who will compromise”? Relationships tend to work out better if you not only date someone that enjoys some of the same things you do but have the means to be able to afford experiencing life for not only themselves but with a partner.

With every relationship we must devote time and energy in catering to the 5 Pillars of Needs with your mate. An excellent goal to start off with is making sure throughout every week you have devoted a little TLC to each of the pillars for your partner. Pick their brains about a subject you saw on TV. Ask them how their day was or how they are feeling. Include them in your prayer when you speak to God; praying for their health and success. Pull the covers back at 3 am and express your adoration in the physical form slowly and deeply or of the wise words of Chris Brown “Fuck her back to sleep”. Lastly go on fun dates, take a weekend trip or better yet plan a nice big trip when time permits so you can ignite your relationship even more. Give Love and relationships a fair chance by covering these 5 Pillars of Need with your mate. Have open discussions on what eachother needs and wants, its ok to have these discussions, kinda like an informal check in to make sure things are running smoothly. In turn be receptive to your mate wanting to have a quick chat about yours or their needs. The last thing we want to do is make our mate feel like they cannot come to us about any and everything. GIVE, RECEIVE AND REPEAT….❤️

Listening to- Sabrina Claudio “Confidently lost”
Mood- Lovingly Optimistic

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